I'm as skeptical as anyone else when it comes to "new" ways to lose weight - often they come with a hefty price tag, require strange twists in your diet, and may not even work.
And this is the season the legitimate weight loss industry as well as all the hucksters crank up their efforts to make sales. This is weight loss time, folks - the heavy eating season is less than a month past, and spring beckons us to shed pounds so we'll look good on the beach, at the gym, or on the tennis court.
So you'd expect me to be skeptical about a way of losing weight that doesn't require any physical exercise, costs virtually nothing, doesn't make you do funny things to your diet, and is safe for people of all ages, regardless of their health.
But I'm not. It makes sense to me. And this miraculous way of dropping pounds is...
Are you ready....?
Keeping a journal. Yes, that's right. Keeping a journal.
Turns out a little introspection and time spent with pen and paper encourages weight loss.
According to this story in Cosmo on-line "women who wrote about things that were important to them lost an average of 3.4 pounds. The women who wrote about things that weren't important to them actually gained 2.7 pounds."
I was flabbergasted by this data. But more to the point, this wasn't from an advertising agency, or someone trying to sell something.
It's based on research conducted at Stanford University and Renison University College at the University of Waterloo in Canada.
Who would have thought that journaling could have such a beneficial effect.
Just some paper and a pen. Color co-ordinated Moleskines are optional.
Check out the Cosmo story for why scientists believe journaling about what's important to you may help with weight loss.
Or just start writing.
nozbe
Monday, January 23, 2012
Wednesday, January 18, 2012
Time for Sanity About Men's Mental Health
The Guardian today raises some interesting and life-impacting questions about men's mental health. Here's the headline:
Fogg, correctly noting the horrid teaching that many of us men had as boys, that we shouldn't cry, that tears are a sign of weakness, and not appropriate for a real man, writes:
From the Sunday story on Windass: "The former Hull City striker admitted to The People this week he is battling booze and depression after retiring from the game he adored.... He said: 'I have cried every day for the last two years since retiring.'
Whether men are taught to repress emotion and tears, or not, we still have emotions. And many men, who won't admit it in public, cry in private. We suffer from depression, but often are reluctant to seek help, or to become so weak as to accept the stigma (often self-imposed and only in our own minds) of having to take anti-depressants. Many men instead self-medicate. For years, as I coped with chronic depression, the local bar was a favorite place to self-medicate.
It stuns me when I hear boys are still told that men don't cry, to wipe up the tears and don't carry on as a sissy. Such ill-founded advice can become the words which help drive some of them to a self-inflicted death as men, or even when they're teenagers.
Retirement is a horrendous experience for many men, especially for top footballers such as Windass and other athletes who, due to the relentless process of aging, have to retire from what they love so much at relatively young ages. Why should anyone be surprised that depression and suicidal thoughts often follows such retirements?
For any of us who have work for which we feel passion and are good at, depression ramps up when we can no longer do what we love. It's that work which provides meaning and purpose for many men (and women), and when we can't do that work the meaning leaks out of our lives, to be replaced with feelings of desolation. With the desolation it's common for thoughts of suicide to arise. I'm on disability, unable to do the work I love (spiritual care and therapy), and so I speak from experience. In the last year, for the first time in my life, I have faced thoughts of taking my own life. It's scary as hell.
But unlike some of the people we read about, and all too many of those who actually take their own lives, I am fortunate. I have an excellent psychiatrist who I see weekly. I have my mindfulness practice. I began taking karate in fall 2010. I take my medication - and yes, though often I still feel the incredible pain of depression, the medication helps. It shifts the balance of forces in my favour. Anything that helps is good. And, I live with the growing hope that by the end of this year, I can again be a working chaplain and therapist - everything I do in the meantime is aimed at that, and that's the point. I am fortunate enough to have a plan and a strategy, and all the professional help I need. All too many men do not. The same goes for women, and youth of both sexes.
Also, during more than a decade of providing spiritual care and therapy to others, I relearned the valuable lesson that there's a place for tears. Tears help. They may not solve a problem, but they provide a valuable release. I feel no shame about my tears, even though I grew up with the "men don't cry" teaching.
The Guardian story notes men often don't do a good job of accessing mental health services. When they do, they may also have alcohol or drug problems. Traditionally, both the mental health and addictions services have not worked well together, and that means increasing the chances of patients falling through the cracks created by professionals who should know better.
(Dr Ken Minkoff, a Harvard psychiatrist, has developed what's known as a co-occurring disorders initiative, so that any person with both a substance abuse problem and a mental health issue can receive timely, integrated care. He's created what he calls a "Comprehensive, Continuous, Integrated System of Care (CCISC) Model." I urge people to check out his site; it reflects an ideal which in most places doesn't exist, yet it provides a strategy for how care can be provided for people with alcohol/drug and mental health issues. Minkoff is doing some of the most important work in the field today.)
Another aspect to men and mental health has to do with the somber reality that men, as well as women, are sexually abused as children. Some estimates say as many as 20 percent of men may have experienced childhood sexual abuse (compared with 30 to 35 percent for women). Yet, men are much less likely than women to disclose their sexual traumas. That's changing, and some courageous men in professional sports have set a good example by disclosing. The point, though, is that undisclosed, untreated childhood sexual trauma becomes one more suicide risk factor for men later in life.
From my perspective, we need to do much more for both men and women to ensure the availability and utilization of good mental health care. It's time to deal with stigma, and to ensure health care systems and professionals provide the care we deserve so we can heal, and so suicide statistics decline.
I'll give the last word to Ally Fogg, using the last words of his fine article in The Guardian today:
We tell boys not to cry, then wonder about male suicideThis story is timely. In the last year we've heard reports of hockey players, with a history of depression, who have taken their lives. Also, many of us have male friends and acquaintences who have killed themselves. The Guardian article, by Ally Fogg, is based on the weekend disclosures by former English footballer Dean Windass that he twice tried to take his own life.
Fogg, correctly noting the horrid teaching that many of us men had as boys, that we shouldn't cry, that tears are a sign of weakness, and not appropriate for a real man, writes:
Windass is suffering from depression. Interesting, at 42, he is the same age as the Wales manager Gary Speed who committed suicide in November.With such beliefs (literally) beaten into us from an early age, it is easy to be shocked by the candour of the former footballer Dean Windass. In a heartbreaking interview on Sunday he described two suicide attempts in the past few days. "Everyone thinks that Dean Windass is a laugh and a joke and a kid blah blah blah, and got loads of money and his wife and kids are lovely," he told the People. "But that's all a mask. I was in pieces, I couldn't stop drinking or crying. I've cried every day for the last two years."
From the Sunday story on Windass: "The former Hull City striker admitted to The People this week he is battling booze and depression after retiring from the game he adored.... He said: 'I have cried every day for the last two years since retiring.'
Whether men are taught to repress emotion and tears, or not, we still have emotions. And many men, who won't admit it in public, cry in private. We suffer from depression, but often are reluctant to seek help, or to become so weak as to accept the stigma (often self-imposed and only in our own minds) of having to take anti-depressants. Many men instead self-medicate. For years, as I coped with chronic depression, the local bar was a favorite place to self-medicate.
It stuns me when I hear boys are still told that men don't cry, to wipe up the tears and don't carry on as a sissy. Such ill-founded advice can become the words which help drive some of them to a self-inflicted death as men, or even when they're teenagers.
Retirement is a horrendous experience for many men, especially for top footballers such as Windass and other athletes who, due to the relentless process of aging, have to retire from what they love so much at relatively young ages. Why should anyone be surprised that depression and suicidal thoughts often follows such retirements?
For any of us who have work for which we feel passion and are good at, depression ramps up when we can no longer do what we love. It's that work which provides meaning and purpose for many men (and women), and when we can't do that work the meaning leaks out of our lives, to be replaced with feelings of desolation. With the desolation it's common for thoughts of suicide to arise. I'm on disability, unable to do the work I love (spiritual care and therapy), and so I speak from experience. In the last year, for the first time in my life, I have faced thoughts of taking my own life. It's scary as hell.
But unlike some of the people we read about, and all too many of those who actually take their own lives, I am fortunate. I have an excellent psychiatrist who I see weekly. I have my mindfulness practice. I began taking karate in fall 2010. I take my medication - and yes, though often I still feel the incredible pain of depression, the medication helps. It shifts the balance of forces in my favour. Anything that helps is good. And, I live with the growing hope that by the end of this year, I can again be a working chaplain and therapist - everything I do in the meantime is aimed at that, and that's the point. I am fortunate enough to have a plan and a strategy, and all the professional help I need. All too many men do not. The same goes for women, and youth of both sexes.
Also, during more than a decade of providing spiritual care and therapy to others, I relearned the valuable lesson that there's a place for tears. Tears help. They may not solve a problem, but they provide a valuable release. I feel no shame about my tears, even though I grew up with the "men don't cry" teaching.
The Guardian story notes men often don't do a good job of accessing mental health services. When they do, they may also have alcohol or drug problems. Traditionally, both the mental health and addictions services have not worked well together, and that means increasing the chances of patients falling through the cracks created by professionals who should know better.
(Dr Ken Minkoff, a Harvard psychiatrist, has developed what's known as a co-occurring disorders initiative, so that any person with both a substance abuse problem and a mental health issue can receive timely, integrated care. He's created what he calls a "Comprehensive, Continuous, Integrated System of Care (CCISC) Model." I urge people to check out his site; it reflects an ideal which in most places doesn't exist, yet it provides a strategy for how care can be provided for people with alcohol/drug and mental health issues. Minkoff is doing some of the most important work in the field today.)
Another aspect to men and mental health has to do with the somber reality that men, as well as women, are sexually abused as children. Some estimates say as many as 20 percent of men may have experienced childhood sexual abuse (compared with 30 to 35 percent for women). Yet, men are much less likely than women to disclose their sexual traumas. That's changing, and some courageous men in professional sports have set a good example by disclosing. The point, though, is that undisclosed, untreated childhood sexual trauma becomes one more suicide risk factor for men later in life.
From my perspective, we need to do much more for both men and women to ensure the availability and utilization of good mental health care. It's time to deal with stigma, and to ensure health care systems and professionals provide the care we deserve so we can heal, and so suicide statistics decline.
I'll give the last word to Ally Fogg, using the last words of his fine article in The Guardian today:
There is no single, simple solution to the suicide epidemic. The first stage must be to acknowledge the problems, at both an individual and societal level. It takes immense courage and strength for men to speak about their own mental health, flouting our deepest conditioning. For that reason, we should not only wish Windass a full recovery from his current illness, but recognise that in speaking up and seeking help he did something more courageous, more important and, perhaps, more truly manly than anything in his distinguished career on the pitch.
Tuesday, January 17, 2012
Neat Approaches to New Year's Resolutions
At the front end of 2011 I wrote at length about new year's resolutions, the three main reasons they fail, otherwise known as myths 1, 2, and 3, and some ideas about how to keep resolutions by avoiding procrastination.
If your problem keeping new year's resolutions is procrastination, or if you're curious about the three myths check out last year's post.
What I have to offer this year, and I've deliberately timed it well into January so it can be the "just-in-time" help for anyone floundering at keeping their 2012 resolutions, is a few ideas.
The first comes from a friend, and it's wonderful in its simplicity.
Rather than make a list of the all the things she hopes to do differently, she reflects on words that surface in her mind as she reflects on how her life is.
For example, the word "connection," may arise. And so she thinks of all the ways she is connected with people and life around her, and whether there are some different, perhaps better ways, to create connections. Connection becomes a theme to be lived out in the new year.
Someone else could choose, say, the word "learning," and think of all the different ways new knowledge could come into their life.
While this approach doesn't require the traditional list of resolutions, nonetheless one needs to be aware through the year, of the words and themes which have come to mind, and have been chosen to characterize one's thoughts and actions. Journaling could be a good adjunct to this approach.
People use all kinds of tools to create their resolutions. From pens and paper to computer software, everyone has their preferred way to craft their resolutions. Mind maps are a favorite for many because they're more visual and dramatic than a mere list, and thus can have more impact.
One of the neatest examples of using software for resolutions is this one from The Brain, a unique information management program which is said to emulate the way our brains organize and connect information.
In The Brain blog, this graphic example is given of one way of organizing resolutions:
The resolution is to live to be a 100, and the offshoots all relate to actions and lifestyle choices which, at least in theory, enable that to happen. Attached to some of the items displayed are links to web sites and relevant documents. This graphic from The Brain Blog does not begin to give any idea as to the program's power to handle information or to move quickly - seemingly at the speed of thought - from one piece of information to another. Some people's Brains have tens of thousands of items!
Shelley Hayduk of The Brain writes that "the news media reports that yesterday (January 9th), nine days after people make their resolution, is the day when most people give it up. So clearly without the right backup system for your goals things can slip away."
Oops! And here it is January 17th already!
Luckily there's still time to get over to Shelley's great blog post Seven Steps to Make Your Creative Vision a Reality. This post, though written in June 2010, is at its most timely right now. Anyone seeking ways to be more successful at realizing their dreams should follow Shelley's advice: "With PersonalBrain you can leverage the power of visual thinking to make your goals a reality. Here are seven essential steps to making your creative vision a reality. Be sure to download the template Brain and watch the recorded webinar at the end of this blog entry." Check it out.
There are many web-based, desktop, and paper programs for tracking the projects and next actions which flow from resolutions. One of the best web/desktop based programs is NOZBE, which is based on David Allen's Getting Things Done approach. NOZBE has recently undergone some major upgrades, works across various platforms, is compatible with Evernote, and to my mind is better than ever. (Disclosure: I am part of NOZBE's affiliate program.)
Here's the Amazon link for Allen's best-seilling Getting Things Done: The Art of Stress-Free Productivity
. Also good reading is Ready for Anything: 52 Productivity Principles for Getting Things Done
. If you want to pursue Getting Things Done, or GTD as it's known, take a look at my 7,000 member Yahoo GTD group - feel free to join and to share your experiences or ask questions.
I appreciate NOZBE for tracking projects and next actions. However, as some readers are aware from other posts I've written, I struggle with ADHD and executive function issues. In plain English that means I find it hard, if not impossible, to start work, or to carry it through to completion. So I combine Getting Things Done with the Pomodoro technique. Here's a link to a free 40 page PDF booklet on how to use Pomodoro.
This technique focuses on how time is structured, and relies on a Pomodoro (Italian for tomato, and the shape of many kitchen timers in Italy) to provide work periods of 25 minutes broken up with brief breaks of 5 minutes or so. The site explains in detail how the system works. I've been experimenting with it the last few days, and have been amazed at two things:
One other reason why it's working is that I have a friend with whom I've discussed my plans for the year, and for this month. We've worked out a protocol for me to be accountable to my friend as to what I intend to do, and what is actually accomplished. I keep a running log of intention and actualities on a shared Google document. From past experience, I know that if I am not accountable to someone, I'm at risk of losing track of what needs to be done, even forgetting important tasks from day to day.
For people with ADHD and/or executive function issues, more external support and structure can make the difference between success or failure. I think of my friend as my "external brain."
Because of commitment to Pomodoro and the ongoing dialogue with my friend, aka external brain, I feel more optimistic than ever that my resolutions for 2012 will be actualized.
One of my resolutions is very simple: Complete and bring to fruition those ideas and projects which are important to me, and to those around me.
Whatever ways you, the reader, choose to set up and structure your resolutions, I wish you success beyond anything you can imagine!
If your problem keeping new year's resolutions is procrastination, or if you're curious about the three myths check out last year's post.
What I have to offer this year, and I've deliberately timed it well into January so it can be the "just-in-time" help for anyone floundering at keeping their 2012 resolutions, is a few ideas.
The first comes from a friend, and it's wonderful in its simplicity.
Rather than make a list of the all the things she hopes to do differently, she reflects on words that surface in her mind as she reflects on how her life is.
For example, the word "connection," may arise. And so she thinks of all the ways she is connected with people and life around her, and whether there are some different, perhaps better ways, to create connections. Connection becomes a theme to be lived out in the new year.
Someone else could choose, say, the word "learning," and think of all the different ways new knowledge could come into their life.
While this approach doesn't require the traditional list of resolutions, nonetheless one needs to be aware through the year, of the words and themes which have come to mind, and have been chosen to characterize one's thoughts and actions. Journaling could be a good adjunct to this approach.
People use all kinds of tools to create their resolutions. From pens and paper to computer software, everyone has their preferred way to craft their resolutions. Mind maps are a favorite for many because they're more visual and dramatic than a mere list, and thus can have more impact.
One of the neatest examples of using software for resolutions is this one from The Brain, a unique information management program which is said to emulate the way our brains organize and connect information.
In The Brain blog, this graphic example is given of one way of organizing resolutions:
The resolution is to live to be a 100, and the offshoots all relate to actions and lifestyle choices which, at least in theory, enable that to happen. Attached to some of the items displayed are links to web sites and relevant documents. This graphic from The Brain Blog does not begin to give any idea as to the program's power to handle information or to move quickly - seemingly at the speed of thought - from one piece of information to another. Some people's Brains have tens of thousands of items!
Shelley Hayduk of The Brain writes that "the news media reports that yesterday (January 9th), nine days after people make their resolution, is the day when most people give it up. So clearly without the right backup system for your goals things can slip away."
Oops! And here it is January 17th already!
Luckily there's still time to get over to Shelley's great blog post Seven Steps to Make Your Creative Vision a Reality. This post, though written in June 2010, is at its most timely right now. Anyone seeking ways to be more successful at realizing their dreams should follow Shelley's advice: "With PersonalBrain you can leverage the power of visual thinking to make your goals a reality. Here are seven essential steps to making your creative vision a reality. Be sure to download the template Brain and watch the recorded webinar at the end of this blog entry." Check it out.
There are many web-based, desktop, and paper programs for tracking the projects and next actions which flow from resolutions. One of the best web/desktop based programs is NOZBE, which is based on David Allen's Getting Things Done approach. NOZBE has recently undergone some major upgrades, works across various platforms, is compatible with Evernote, and to my mind is better than ever. (Disclosure: I am part of NOZBE's affiliate program.)
Here's the Amazon link for Allen's best-seilling Getting Things Done: The Art of Stress-Free Productivity
. Also good reading is Ready for Anything: 52 Productivity Principles for Getting Things Done. If you want to pursue Getting Things Done, or GTD as it's known, take a look at my 7,000 member Yahoo GTD group - feel free to join and to share your experiences or ask questions.I appreciate NOZBE for tracking projects and next actions. However, as some readers are aware from other posts I've written, I struggle with ADHD and executive function issues. In plain English that means I find it hard, if not impossible, to start work, or to carry it through to completion. So I combine Getting Things Done with the Pomodoro technique. Here's a link to a free 40 page PDF booklet on how to use Pomodoro.
This technique focuses on how time is structured, and relies on a Pomodoro (Italian for tomato, and the shape of many kitchen timers in Italy) to provide work periods of 25 minutes broken up with brief breaks of 5 minutes or so. The site explains in detail how the system works. I've been experimenting with it the last few days, and have been amazed at two things:
- How easily I start my work
- How much I am actually accomplishing
One other reason why it's working is that I have a friend with whom I've discussed my plans for the year, and for this month. We've worked out a protocol for me to be accountable to my friend as to what I intend to do, and what is actually accomplished. I keep a running log of intention and actualities on a shared Google document. From past experience, I know that if I am not accountable to someone, I'm at risk of losing track of what needs to be done, even forgetting important tasks from day to day.
For people with ADHD and/or executive function issues, more external support and structure can make the difference between success or failure. I think of my friend as my "external brain."
Because of commitment to Pomodoro and the ongoing dialogue with my friend, aka external brain, I feel more optimistic than ever that my resolutions for 2012 will be actualized.
One of my resolutions is very simple: Complete and bring to fruition those ideas and projects which are important to me, and to those around me.
Whatever ways you, the reader, choose to set up and structure your resolutions, I wish you success beyond anything you can imagine!
Thursday, December 8, 2011
Somber Thoughts ~ Christmas Reflections
What follows is a very personal reflection - my hope is that it in some way resonates positively with those for whom it may encouraging, and that it doesn't come across to others as self-indulgent.
There are different kinds of chaplains and therapists. Some have managed to live reasonably balanced lives, dealing with the inevitable life issues in an expeditious way which has left them none too worse for wear.
And then there are others.
Unfortunately, I belong in the second group. The group which has become known as the wounded healers. When we've got the hard knocks there's been no punches pulled - full force all the way, and often, not the network of supportive family and friends which gives that warm glow to the healing processes which, one hopes, follow.
Some wounded healers are more wounded than they are healers, and probably should look elsewhere than the healing professions. Admittedly, I've felt over the years I've come pretty close to that line on occasion. But then I have had the benefit of some really great support - much of it from my psychiatrist and psychotherapist of 20 plus years. A man who is so much more than his prescription pad, and whose own woundedness has lead him towards compassion and wisdom. And ever so-important is that he has an old world love and appreciation of the warp and woof of therapy which carries him so much deeper than the manualized approaches of much modern therapy.
So, I figure, if I had to be a wounded healer, I lucked out big time. I have an hour (not the weak kneed 50 minute hour many psychologists and psychiatrists seem enamored with) of about 60 minutes each week. I have phone access 24/7 when I need it. And, as important as anything else, I have a therapist whose fascination and passion for what he does probably hasn't lessened over the years.
At this time of year, I am especially thankful for my therapist. Because when I wrote the other day about this being a scary time of year, I was holding back, just a little. I'm terrified - by everything from my lack of a social network worthy of the name (I have about two friends), to the bitter cold and the oppressive shortness of the days, to the urges which blow over me like the northern wind to no longer be part of this life.
Depression, ADHD, executive dysfunction, and anxiety have had their way with my thought processes, and my ability to perform consistently except in situations which offer a) some form of structure without being stifling, or (b) highly stimulating - thus my passions for crisis interventions, the 3 am pager call to the ER, and so on.
Generally speaking, I have performed well with clients and patients - often those very ones referred to me by psychiatrists and psychologists frustrated that they could make little or no headway with them. Yet, the fact I have no magic letters after my name, to state that I am officially trained, inspected, and qualified, has made it difficult to finance a reasonable lifestyle.
Though I am on disability now - one which has interfered with my ability to work for some years, I hope one day to return to practice, and to leave a life of poverty behind. Yet, the reality is that the depths of despair I now explore are far deeper than any I've seen before. And the shortness of the days, and the confusion faced each morning of a sun rising after I have been up for two hours brings no relief.
My ability to work with others, and my own personal woundedness, co-existed in a kind of intricate dance of learning and of relationship, of opening myself to the other in that spirit of I-Thou of which Martin Buber spoke, or which Henri Nouwen simply called hospitality - creating that space where someone else could be completely herself or himself. How often was I to experience the delight of the small child when, in doing so, I realized I had also created such a space for myself.
Clients and patients of all ages with histories of trauma, whether from childhood sexual abuse, combat, kidnapping, and/or torture have more often than not been the patients with whom our (the patient and me) work has occurred, often with much healing. Fortunately, my learning process spared me:
Indeed, coffee shops and pubs have often served as my therapy rooms. And I had one teenage patient who was, in my opinion, quite properly prescribed Ritalin for his ADHD. He didn't want to take it; "Ritlain is a drug," he said, " and I don't do drugs." All with a perfectly straight face, based on his belief that the joints he enjoyed were less harmful than tobacco, and unworthy to be called drugs. And besides, all his friends said he was doing drugs because he was on Ritalin. I'd observed my young patient in his pre-Ritalin days and, if anyone benefited from the stimulant, it was him. Helping him to stay compliant with his prescription meant my meeting with him and his friends at a parking lot in a very tough part of the city where we had a loud and spirited discussion. My patient stayed on Ritalin, and his friends were able to observe the benefits and proclaimed it a righteous drug.
"You got to keep him on that shit, man," said one of his friends. That was the consensus, and I was asked to refer a couple of the others to his psychiatrist because they thought the Ritalin might help them to think more clearly.
So much for a nice swanky office. Therapy is almost never about place, and almost always about context.
These thoughts and memories both warm my heart and break it at the same time. Especially at this long, dark time of year. Without the energy which comes from working with patients, and part of a truly alive staff group, it's more difficult. I feel the contradictions more. Each day is harder, and somehow, at least some of the time, I remember to be mindful. My terminology is that "I need to invoke the mindfulness," but my therapist reminds me of the obvious - I statements, simple, declarative, in the here and now. I need to be mindful - in this breath.
A knee injury having resolved itself (to a point), I am back practicing karate - a real life saver for me. I've made an extra effort to keep in touch with my daughter, and have given the benefit of the doubt to my partner in terms of her seeming ambivalence about our relationship. Is it enough? Will it be enough? In this breath...I am mindful of this breath...it is enough...in this breath.
And my deepest wish is to again be sufficiently more healed than wounded that I can again do therapy with people, especially those who have been traumatized. As always, my heart is for the children, and also increasingly for the men and women who have carried trauma home with them from Afghanistan, and all those other places where war persists.
In this breath...compassion and love to all. Those are the best words I can think of with which to say, Merry Christmas!
There are different kinds of chaplains and therapists. Some have managed to live reasonably balanced lives, dealing with the inevitable life issues in an expeditious way which has left them none too worse for wear.
And then there are others.
Unfortunately, I belong in the second group. The group which has become known as the wounded healers. When we've got the hard knocks there's been no punches pulled - full force all the way, and often, not the network of supportive family and friends which gives that warm glow to the healing processes which, one hopes, follow.
Some wounded healers are more wounded than they are healers, and probably should look elsewhere than the healing professions. Admittedly, I've felt over the years I've come pretty close to that line on occasion. But then I have had the benefit of some really great support - much of it from my psychiatrist and psychotherapist of 20 plus years. A man who is so much more than his prescription pad, and whose own woundedness has lead him towards compassion and wisdom. And ever so-important is that he has an old world love and appreciation of the warp and woof of therapy which carries him so much deeper than the manualized approaches of much modern therapy.
So, I figure, if I had to be a wounded healer, I lucked out big time. I have an hour (not the weak kneed 50 minute hour many psychologists and psychiatrists seem enamored with) of about 60 minutes each week. I have phone access 24/7 when I need it. And, as important as anything else, I have a therapist whose fascination and passion for what he does probably hasn't lessened over the years.
At this time of year, I am especially thankful for my therapist. Because when I wrote the other day about this being a scary time of year, I was holding back, just a little. I'm terrified - by everything from my lack of a social network worthy of the name (I have about two friends), to the bitter cold and the oppressive shortness of the days, to the urges which blow over me like the northern wind to no longer be part of this life.
Depression, ADHD, executive dysfunction, and anxiety have had their way with my thought processes, and my ability to perform consistently except in situations which offer a) some form of structure without being stifling, or (b) highly stimulating - thus my passions for crisis interventions, the 3 am pager call to the ER, and so on.
Generally speaking, I have performed well with clients and patients - often those very ones referred to me by psychiatrists and psychologists frustrated that they could make little or no headway with them. Yet, the fact I have no magic letters after my name, to state that I am officially trained, inspected, and qualified, has made it difficult to finance a reasonable lifestyle.
Though I am on disability now - one which has interfered with my ability to work for some years, I hope one day to return to practice, and to leave a life of poverty behind. Yet, the reality is that the depths of despair I now explore are far deeper than any I've seen before. And the shortness of the days, and the confusion faced each morning of a sun rising after I have been up for two hours brings no relief.
My ability to work with others, and my own personal woundedness, co-existed in a kind of intricate dance of learning and of relationship, of opening myself to the other in that spirit of I-Thou of which Martin Buber spoke, or which Henri Nouwen simply called hospitality - creating that space where someone else could be completely herself or himself. How often was I to experience the delight of the small child when, in doing so, I realized I had also created such a space for myself.
Clients and patients of all ages with histories of trauma, whether from childhood sexual abuse, combat, kidnapping, and/or torture have more often than not been the patients with whom our (the patient and me) work has occurred, often with much healing. Fortunately, my learning process spared me:
- the mythologies about the hopelessness of borderline personality disorder;
- the sense that I was entitled to respect and proper decorum from patients at all times, and should tolerate nothing less;
- the crazy notion that a clinician can learn nothing of value from intentional conversation with a person who is psychotic;
- the false belief that there is nothing of value to be found exploring with a patient the "bewilderness" (a word coined by one of my first patients) of her or his delusional system;
- the idea that some stranger unknown to me and perhaps frightened of her/his own shadow should do the emergency after hours calls because that was the "policy" of my agency;
- the belief that one cannot, indeed, should not even hope to turn a crisis intervention at 2:00 am into a meaningful therapy session.
Indeed, coffee shops and pubs have often served as my therapy rooms. And I had one teenage patient who was, in my opinion, quite properly prescribed Ritalin for his ADHD. He didn't want to take it; "Ritlain is a drug," he said, " and I don't do drugs." All with a perfectly straight face, based on his belief that the joints he enjoyed were less harmful than tobacco, and unworthy to be called drugs. And besides, all his friends said he was doing drugs because he was on Ritalin. I'd observed my young patient in his pre-Ritalin days and, if anyone benefited from the stimulant, it was him. Helping him to stay compliant with his prescription meant my meeting with him and his friends at a parking lot in a very tough part of the city where we had a loud and spirited discussion. My patient stayed on Ritalin, and his friends were able to observe the benefits and proclaimed it a righteous drug.
"You got to keep him on that shit, man," said one of his friends. That was the consensus, and I was asked to refer a couple of the others to his psychiatrist because they thought the Ritalin might help them to think more clearly.
So much for a nice swanky office. Therapy is almost never about place, and almost always about context.
These thoughts and memories both warm my heart and break it at the same time. Especially at this long, dark time of year. Without the energy which comes from working with patients, and part of a truly alive staff group, it's more difficult. I feel the contradictions more. Each day is harder, and somehow, at least some of the time, I remember to be mindful. My terminology is that "I need to invoke the mindfulness," but my therapist reminds me of the obvious - I statements, simple, declarative, in the here and now. I need to be mindful - in this breath.
A knee injury having resolved itself (to a point), I am back practicing karate - a real life saver for me. I've made an extra effort to keep in touch with my daughter, and have given the benefit of the doubt to my partner in terms of her seeming ambivalence about our relationship. Is it enough? Will it be enough? In this breath...I am mindful of this breath...it is enough...in this breath.
And my deepest wish is to again be sufficiently more healed than wounded that I can again do therapy with people, especially those who have been traumatized. As always, my heart is for the children, and also increasingly for the men and women who have carried trauma home with them from Afghanistan, and all those other places where war persists.
In this breath...compassion and love to all. Those are the best words I can think of with which to say, Merry Christmas!
Sunday, November 20, 2011
Science of Getting Things Done - Allen's GTD Examined
David Allen's self-management/productivity system called Getting Things Done or GTD has during the last decade become the most dominant of such approaches, overshadowing offerings from Franklin Covey, Day Timers, and other time management and productivity gurus.
Allen's system is clear, easy to learn, and easy to implement. One of its key features is getting everything out of your head and onto paper - or into a software program, many of which now feature GTD - as a way of capturing all that needs to be be done, while externalizing it in a way which reduces both anxiety and the risk of loose ends. (Disclosure: I am an affiliate for one such piece of software Nozbe, which I highly recommend.)
But we live in a time of rigorous brain research, and growing scientific interest and information related to how we think, and how we go about achieving various goals. So I was delighted today when I read an article entitled Getting Things Done: The Science behind Stress-Free Productivity at the newly formed My Productivity.com forum. Here's what I wrote on my Yahoo Getting Things Done Forum:
This discussion can be of great value for those of us interested in alleviating the difficulties faced by individuals with executive function problems, resulting from traumatic brain injury, early attachment issues, or other causes.
Allen's system is clear, easy to learn, and easy to implement. One of its key features is getting everything out of your head and onto paper - or into a software program, many of which now feature GTD - as a way of capturing all that needs to be be done, while externalizing it in a way which reduces both anxiety and the risk of loose ends. (Disclosure: I am an affiliate for one such piece of software Nozbe, which I highly recommend.)
But we live in a time of rigorous brain research, and growing scientific interest and information related to how we think, and how we go about achieving various goals. So I was delighted today when I read an article entitled Getting Things Done: The Science behind Stress-Free Productivity at the newly formed My Productivity.com forum. Here's what I wrote on my Yahoo Getting Things Done Forum:
I think this article lays the groundwork for a meaningful and exciting discussion as to why some things work, and others do not, when it comes to functioning more successfully, and with less stress and dis-stress triggered by anxiety, and the impact of mal adaptive thought patterns.The article will be of interest I am sure to many of our 7,000 members here, inasmuch as it considered the validity of the ideas and processes put forward by David Allen in they Getting Things Done System.
The full 21 page PDF of the article is available here.
The article abstract appears below and, to my mind, makes the case for why this is an important article:Abstract
Allen (2001) proposed the “Getting Things Done” (GTD) method for personal productivity enhancement, and reduction of the stress caused by information overload. This paper argues that recent insights in psychology and cognitive science support and extend GTD’s recommendations. We first summarize GTD with the help of a flowchart. We then review the theories of situated, embodied and distributed cognition that purport to explain how the brain processes information and plans actions in the real world. The conclusion is that the brain heavily relies on the environment, to function as an external memory, a trigger for actions, and a source of affordances, disturbances and feedback. We then show how these principles are practically implemented in GTD, with its focus on organizing tasks into “actionable” external memories, and on opportunistic, situation-dependent execution. Finally, we propose an extension of GTD to support collaborative work, inspired by the concept of stigmergy.I hope this paper may stimulate some discussion and, more than that, lead to a greater practical understanding of how various approaches to getting things done work.I'm going to place a version of this post on my blog (which is here, now), which already contains a few posts related to ways of getting things done, with an emphasis on overcoming anxiety which can lead to feeling stuck and unable to move. My own emphasis focuses a lot on mindfulness practice, and creative use of breaks - or time-ins (as opposed to time-outs) - vigorous physical activity and/or mindfulness, both of which can be powerful ways to interrupt patterns which are self-defeating.
This discussion can be of great value for those of us interested in alleviating the difficulties faced by individuals with executive function problems, resulting from traumatic brain injury, early attachment issues, or other causes.
Monday, November 7, 2011
Why Winter Is the Scariest Time of Year
This time of year is the scariest for me.
Living in the middle of North America means now is when snow comes, and the number of hours of daylight greatly decrese. Today, for example, we have only 9.5 hours of daylight. Over the last weekend we went back from daylight savings time to standard time, which means sunset is at 4:57 pm, rather than an hour later. And snow, thankfully, has come for the first time overnight, rather than off and on in late October and early November as it normally does.
All in all, we've done relatively well. As a life-long resident in these parts I have little to complain about. Even today, the temperature will hang around the freezing mark, and looks prepared to do so for the rest of the week.
So what's the big problem?
First of all, I am a heat freak. When the temperature pushes through the high 20s into the 30s (high 70s into the 90s in the Fahrenheit world) I feel so much more alive. Yes, I sweat, yet I relish the heat and the humidity, the way it feels on my skin, the nuanced shifts in smell and sound. I walk out of doors on a hot day, and feel warm, moist air embrace me - it is nature's hospitality. On the brightest of days, in the noon-hour sun I reach my arms to the sky with a child-like exuberance.
But my great affinity for summer extremes doesn't answer the question of why I am fearful, even now as I am writing.
As much as my spirit soars in summer, it seemingly stumbles along the ground in late fall and winter. Meaning, in other words, that it crashes.
Removing all conceit from the above statements, meaning that my chronic depression (aggravated a few years ago by a life tragedy) becomes much less managable, and more acute. My psychiatrist and I both agree I am susceptible to seasonal affective disorder - so called SAD - which is believed be a function of the amount and intesity of light decreasing during the winter months. I use a 10,000 lux SAD lamp therapeutically, and as my normal desk lamp, during this time of year. (Other practical ways for coping with winter are in list form near the end of this post).
I am most aware at this time of the contradictions of my unending dance with depression in its various forms - in the last few years becoming sufficiently serious that I have fantasizied periodically about suicide (please not use of word fantasize - and be assured it is not going to happen) - which come from being the guy who as a chaplain and a therapist helps others.
Interestingly, though, in my work I have not gravitated toward working with people whose main issue is depression, which seems to be a favourite among chaplains and therapists but, rather, those whose issues arise from major traumatic events, repeated many times, including childhood sexual abuse, combat experiences, torture, kidnapping, and other kinds of violence.
The contradiction of being a wounded healer is compounded by my involvement with mindfulness. I am a strong proponent of mindfulness, and was an advocate of meditation and spiritual practice back in the 70s before the splendid work of Jon Kabat-Zinn and others began to provide reams of empirical data validating mindfulness from a scientific perspective. And as the reams piled up, they began to include results of brain imaging studies, which further validated mindfulness as a way to reduce stress, increase awareness, cope with psychological and physical pain, and to overcome - wait for it! - depression.
Undoubtedly mindfulness helps with all those things, and God only knows where I'd be today if I didn't practice it. But mix in some probable brain injury stuff from when I was in our city's top private school and we used to make a game of seeing how hard we could beat each other over the head with hard cover textbooks, and some issues I have with regard to task persistence, executive function, and consistency become easier to understand.
And so, at this time of year, the changes in the environment, and my issues, become more acute, create a trail of anticipatory dis-ease which begins in September, leading on to some of the most stuck, down, painful days imaginable in December, January, and February. With bills to be paid, social relationships to be tended to, and other daily living tasks to be done it all becomes scary.
I'm not writing this so you all will feel sorry for me, and start saying "poor Daly." But writing is therapeutic in itself. And as I thought about writing this, I thought of others who may feel very much the same about the cold, dark time of year. Yesterday I thought about it a lot because it was the first day of standard time, and we knew snow was on the way as temperatures fell. I also had a toothache which was no help at all.
As a believer in serendipity, crappy as I felt yesterday, I felt my exuberance rising by a timely reminder about the value of mindfulness. It came in the form of blog post called Mindfulness Exercises ~ Just One Minute Could Save Your Sanity. Do read that blog post and, if you're like me, you need to print it and place it somewhere you can't help but see it everyday
The writer was aiming for those of us who may be at the point of over whelm, of where we are losing a sense of being in control, of losing a belief in our own sanity, and said:
There's more to mindfulness than that, but in terms of what you need to know to begin to benefit from it, not much more! And that is good news, because the process is simple. One minute a day, at a time when one feels rock bottom, can break the pattern. We know from various brain studies that a minute of mindfulness creates a positive shift in our brain's workings. In other words, that one minute of mindfulness, though expressed as a small measure of time, is a large dose of hope.
So I heartily recommend the blog: Mindfulness ExercisesMindfulness Exercises For Brain Relaxation from which the post on One Minute a Day came.
What are some ways of offsetting fear for those of us who seem to cave in when the days grow darker and the snow falls?
For a wide range of books related to mindfulness use this link to Amazon. Any purchases through the link will help to cover the costs of this blog.
Living in the middle of North America means now is when snow comes, and the number of hours of daylight greatly decrese. Today, for example, we have only 9.5 hours of daylight. Over the last weekend we went back from daylight savings time to standard time, which means sunset is at 4:57 pm, rather than an hour later. And snow, thankfully, has come for the first time overnight, rather than off and on in late October and early November as it normally does.
All in all, we've done relatively well. As a life-long resident in these parts I have little to complain about. Even today, the temperature will hang around the freezing mark, and looks prepared to do so for the rest of the week.
So what's the big problem?
First of all, I am a heat freak. When the temperature pushes through the high 20s into the 30s (high 70s into the 90s in the Fahrenheit world) I feel so much more alive. Yes, I sweat, yet I relish the heat and the humidity, the way it feels on my skin, the nuanced shifts in smell and sound. I walk out of doors on a hot day, and feel warm, moist air embrace me - it is nature's hospitality. On the brightest of days, in the noon-hour sun I reach my arms to the sky with a child-like exuberance.
But my great affinity for summer extremes doesn't answer the question of why I am fearful, even now as I am writing.
As much as my spirit soars in summer, it seemingly stumbles along the ground in late fall and winter. Meaning, in other words, that it crashes.
Removing all conceit from the above statements, meaning that my chronic depression (aggravated a few years ago by a life tragedy) becomes much less managable, and more acute. My psychiatrist and I both agree I am susceptible to seasonal affective disorder - so called SAD - which is believed be a function of the amount and intesity of light decreasing during the winter months. I use a 10,000 lux SAD lamp therapeutically, and as my normal desk lamp, during this time of year. (Other practical ways for coping with winter are in list form near the end of this post).
I am most aware at this time of the contradictions of my unending dance with depression in its various forms - in the last few years becoming sufficiently serious that I have fantasizied periodically about suicide (please not use of word fantasize - and be assured it is not going to happen) - which come from being the guy who as a chaplain and a therapist helps others.
Interestingly, though, in my work I have not gravitated toward working with people whose main issue is depression, which seems to be a favourite among chaplains and therapists but, rather, those whose issues arise from major traumatic events, repeated many times, including childhood sexual abuse, combat experiences, torture, kidnapping, and other kinds of violence.
The contradiction of being a wounded healer is compounded by my involvement with mindfulness. I am a strong proponent of mindfulness, and was an advocate of meditation and spiritual practice back in the 70s before the splendid work of Jon Kabat-Zinn and others began to provide reams of empirical data validating mindfulness from a scientific perspective. And as the reams piled up, they began to include results of brain imaging studies, which further validated mindfulness as a way to reduce stress, increase awareness, cope with psychological and physical pain, and to overcome - wait for it! - depression.
Undoubtedly mindfulness helps with all those things, and God only knows where I'd be today if I didn't practice it. But mix in some probable brain injury stuff from when I was in our city's top private school and we used to make a game of seeing how hard we could beat each other over the head with hard cover textbooks, and some issues I have with regard to task persistence, executive function, and consistency become easier to understand.
And so, at this time of year, the changes in the environment, and my issues, become more acute, create a trail of anticipatory dis-ease which begins in September, leading on to some of the most stuck, down, painful days imaginable in December, January, and February. With bills to be paid, social relationships to be tended to, and other daily living tasks to be done it all becomes scary.
I'm not writing this so you all will feel sorry for me, and start saying "poor Daly." But writing is therapeutic in itself. And as I thought about writing this, I thought of others who may feel very much the same about the cold, dark time of year. Yesterday I thought about it a lot because it was the first day of standard time, and we knew snow was on the way as temperatures fell. I also had a toothache which was no help at all.
As a believer in serendipity, crappy as I felt yesterday, I felt my exuberance rising by a timely reminder about the value of mindfulness. It came in the form of blog post called Mindfulness Exercises ~ Just One Minute Could Save Your Sanity. Do read that blog post and, if you're like me, you need to print it and place it somewhere you can't help but see it everyday
The writer was aiming for those of us who may be at the point of over whelm, of where we are losing a sense of being in control, of losing a belief in our own sanity, and said:
Just 1 Minute of Mindfulness Per Day…
A mindfulness exercise can start with simply sitting down, relaxing and breathing deeply through your nose. Close your eyes and focus on your breath going in and out. After a few minutes, move your attention to your body, one part at a time, noting sensations of cold, hot, tight, soreness and anything else you identify. In a few minutes, start listening to sounds in the room, without thinking about them. Just listen.
There's more to mindfulness than that, but in terms of what you need to know to begin to benefit from it, not much more! And that is good news, because the process is simple. One minute a day, at a time when one feels rock bottom, can break the pattern. We know from various brain studies that a minute of mindfulness creates a positive shift in our brain's workings. In other words, that one minute of mindfulness, though expressed as a small measure of time, is a large dose of hope.
So I heartily recommend the blog: Mindfulness ExercisesMindfulness Exercises For Brain Relaxation from which the post on One Minute a Day came.
What are some ways of offsetting fear for those of us who seem to cave in when the days grow darker and the snow falls?
- Regular mindfulness practice - if you don't know how to practice it, and want to learn more, the best beginner's book is Mindfulness for Dummies by Shamash Alidina, which will be reviewed here in a few days time. Buy it, read it, follow its suggestions.
- Keeping track of all that needs to be done, and make sure your day planning is done the night before, so there's little or no wheel spinning at the top of a new day. In winter it is too easy to get stuck, both in the car and metaphorically.
- Physical exercise - one way I manage my depression and wheel spinning is through regular time-outs through the day to do pushups, use Heavy Hand weights, work out with elastic tubes, take walks, and so on.
- Hard as it may seem for folks like us who are summer freaks - make a point to get outdoors, even on the coldest days. Such determination, defiance even, makes us feel less like prisoners. And there's always the chance of finding a winter walk enjoyable, or appreciating the way frost delicately clings to the bare branches.
For a wide range of books related to mindfulness use this link to Amazon. Any purchases through the link will help to cover the costs of this blog.
Wednesday, November 2, 2011
Pilot Makes Perfect 767 Wheels Up Landing
I've always been exuberant about flying - especially at those times when pilots face challenges successfully, showing off the experience and skill gained from 1,000s of hours in the air.
Yesterday, Captain Tadeusz Wrona and First Officer Jerzy Szwarc were flying a LOT Polish Airlines 767-300 from Newark, NJ, to Warsaw, Poland, when they faced such a challenge.
The aircraft's wheels would not come down, and even emergency procedures for lowering the landing gear failed.
Nonetheless, as this YouTube video shows, the aircraft made a perfect "wheels up" landing; none of the 220 passengers and 11 crew on board were injured.
A Reuter story in The Vancouver Sun quoted a passenger: “I thought I would feel like we were hitting the ground violently, but then we felt (the plane) touching the ground and that was it,” said one of the plane’s passengers, Krzysztof Rozycki.
The photograph below shows a Boeing 767 in the LOT livery.
A story in The Aviation Herald said the crew aborted their approach at 3,000 feet when an indicator showed the landing gear were not down. The aircraft then entered a holding pattern for about 80 minutes as alternative approaches to lowering the gear were tried.
The story describes the wheels up landing as "textbook," noting the pilots had more than 20 years experiences on the Boeings.
I love stories of great flying skill. Of course, pilots are trained to deal with emergencies, and much time and expense is spent on simulator training where pilots enacts all kinds of emergency scenarios.
The elegance of the wheels up landing in Warsaw reminded me of Captain Burnett "Sully" Sullenberger's incredible landing of a US Airways Airbus 320 on the Hudson River in 2009 after he lost all power when geese flew into the engines. Sullenberger's superb flying and ability meant that all 155 people aboard US Airways Flight 1549 left the aircraft alive.
This shot shows passengers from Flight 1549 on the starboard wing, and using the emergency exit slides. Boats in the area surrounded the aircraft, and began rescuing passengers. The first shots of the aircraft were taken on a phone by someone on one of the boats.
Both these stories of flying skill intrigue and excite people, in part, because we have a need for heroes - and it seems natural to feel a sense of exuberance when people deal with potentially dangerous situations, overcoming the possibility of tragedy. And we like happy endings.
Kudos to LOT's Captain Tadeusz Wrona and First Officer Jerzy Szwarc for their well executed emergency landing. LOT may well be proud of them, and all of us who love aviation and the challenges it offers, feel a sense of pride in their accomplishment.
Captain Wrona and First Officer Szwarc follow in a long tradition of great aviators.
Yesterday, Captain Tadeusz Wrona and First Officer Jerzy Szwarc were flying a LOT Polish Airlines 767-300 from Newark, NJ, to Warsaw, Poland, when they faced such a challenge.
The aircraft's wheels would not come down, and even emergency procedures for lowering the landing gear failed.
Nonetheless, as this YouTube video shows, the aircraft made a perfect "wheels up" landing; none of the 220 passengers and 11 crew on board were injured.
A Reuter story in The Vancouver Sun quoted a passenger: “I thought I would feel like we were hitting the ground violently, but then we felt (the plane) touching the ground and that was it,” said one of the plane’s passengers, Krzysztof Rozycki.
The photograph below shows a Boeing 767 in the LOT livery.
A story in The Aviation Herald said the crew aborted their approach at 3,000 feet when an indicator showed the landing gear were not down. The aircraft then entered a holding pattern for about 80 minutes as alternative approaches to lowering the gear were tried.
The story describes the wheels up landing as "textbook," noting the pilots had more than 20 years experiences on the Boeings.
I love stories of great flying skill. Of course, pilots are trained to deal with emergencies, and much time and expense is spent on simulator training where pilots enacts all kinds of emergency scenarios.
The elegance of the wheels up landing in Warsaw reminded me of Captain Burnett "Sully" Sullenberger's incredible landing of a US Airways Airbus 320 on the Hudson River in 2009 after he lost all power when geese flew into the engines. Sullenberger's superb flying and ability meant that all 155 people aboard US Airways Flight 1549 left the aircraft alive.
This shot shows passengers from Flight 1549 on the starboard wing, and using the emergency exit slides. Boats in the area surrounded the aircraft, and began rescuing passengers. The first shots of the aircraft were taken on a phone by someone on one of the boats.
Both these stories of flying skill intrigue and excite people, in part, because we have a need for heroes - and it seems natural to feel a sense of exuberance when people deal with potentially dangerous situations, overcoming the possibility of tragedy. And we like happy endings.
Kudos to LOT's Captain Tadeusz Wrona and First Officer Jerzy Szwarc for their well executed emergency landing. LOT may well be proud of them, and all of us who love aviation and the challenges it offers, feel a sense of pride in their accomplishment.
Captain Wrona and First Officer Szwarc follow in a long tradition of great aviators.
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